All Change

The past few weeks have been intense and up and down and overwhelming and of course, that means no blog posts.

Recently a friend tweeted “Reading a blog belonging to one of you & really enjoying it. It’s really well written, positive and makes me smile.” At that precise moment I really needed a bit of that stuff so I asked her for a link. That blog she was reading turned out to be mine. I was really surprised someone found it so positive, particularly given my recent circumstances. And then I realised a big home truth.

I don’t ever blog when things aren’t good. What you see here is all the stuff I’m feeling excited and positive about. Occasionally there’ll be a glimpse into some of my worries and fears about money and not having a job but you’ll hardly ever see me complain and whinge and moan. If you follow me on Twitter you’ll find a more accurate incite into the general ebbs and flows of daily life but here? All sunshine and cupcakes.

Why do I do this? I think it’s partly because I hate negativity. I don’t mind the odd well-humoured rant here and there but I loathe grumpiness online. If a blog is full of posts grumbling about how crap things are, I won’t subscribe to it. If a Twitter account is a constant stream of bitching and whining, I’ll unfollow it. I like my time online to leave me feeling fulfilled and inspired, not weary and depressed. It’s also partly because I’m job hunting and I know potential employers might stumble across my blog (hello there!) and I’d hate for anyone to exclude me from consideration because something I’ve written has presented me in negative light. I’m only human though, no matter how hard I try, life isn’t a brilliant adventure all the time.

So what’s new? Well, everything. Michael and I recently made the mutual decision to end our relationship and go our separate ways. You’ll remember we were staying with his parents in Ayr so I went back to Aberdeen for a few days to get some perspective. Suddenly being faced with a situation where I have no job, no home and no relationship was more than a little intimidating. Always positive, I tried to view it as a totally clean slate, the chance to truly do whatever I please and only consider myself. Oh boy was that a lot of pressure. Some people encouraged me to move back in to my old place, others suggested going travelling for a bit, I considered Au Pairing abroad all with the constant niggle about what would happen if I run out of savings.

The freedom to do whatever I like is a powerful thing, but I’ve likened it to going to a restaurant with a 14 page menu when all you want is something comforting like macaroni cheese. I saw this quote by Phillip Pullman recently:

“When you choose one way out of many, all the ways you don’t take are snuffed out like candles, as if they’d never existed.”

And then it clicked. I just needed to choose one option and go with it. So I chose to stay in Glasgow. I like it here, I’ve started job hunting and making friends, I knew I would regret not giving it a shot if I went elsewhere. Fortunately, I managed to find a flat pretty quickly and yesterday I moved in! It’s really central, really reasonable and I’m sharing with a guy and a girl who are both really nice.

Here’s what the room looked like when I moved in:

Bit bare but loads of space! In fact I don’t think I’ve ever had a bedroom this big.

Here are all my worldly possessions in one place. Well, 80% of my worldly possessions, I still have a few bits and pieces in Aberdeen. I can’t tell you what a good feeling it was knowing I can fit all my stuff in one small car. After unpacking we headed to IKEA for a few things and I spent the rest of the evening making my room look like this:

As a person who used to have wild ambitions of accumulating her own personal library, I’m amazed at how empty that bookcase is. I’m hoping I’ll be able to get some artwork on the walls to make it a little bit more ‘me’ but there’s obviously loads of space to play around with the room.

So that’s one big life decision made. For now I’m in Glasgow, still job hunting, still studying, still volunteering, still exploring, still making new friends and for now all of that is nothing to complain about.

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